槟城寻美食之糗事

紧接着怡保美食之旅，上个星期还去了槟城旅游，又是另一个美食之旅。

听朋友说在 Carnarvon Street 有一间茶室，叫做 “多春” 茶室的，里头卖的 Kopi 冰和烧面包非常好味。于是我们就把车停在 Carnarvon Street 旁，就沿着马路慢慢找 “多春” 茶室。

从街头走到了街尾，又从街尾走回街头，都没有看到 “多春” 茶室。。。

心里很纳闷，琢磨了一下，心想朋友的资讯可能有点出入。

茶室可能并不叫 “多春”。。

没有办法底下，只要有 “春” 也杀了！

整条街我们就发现了以下这间店，还蛮多人的，比较接近我们心里想像的店铺。



益和茶楼

其实我们是看到旁边有个 “春” 字...
就以为是 “多春” 茶室。。








不管三七二十一，我们就进去店里了。

坐下后，伙计就来问我们要吃些什么。

伙计：要喝什么？
我 ：嗯，要一杯 Kopi 冰。
伙计：Ko～pi～冰？ 一杯？
我：嗯，对啊。
伙计：噢卡。要吃什么？
我：有烧面包吗？
伙计：什么？
我：烧面包，Roti Bakar。
伙计：呃。。没有。
我：（心里开始纳闷）那没关系了。

待伙计走远之后，我们望了望周围，才发现这里十张桌子里，十张桌子都是喝中国茶的。而且大家都在吃点心包子。再望一望墙壁上的剪报，才惊觉这间店原来还蛮出名的，只不过是茶香叶浓闻名。

心里才恍然，我们竟然在茶行里叫西茶喝，在点心店叫Roti Bakar 吃！

哈哈，糗大了！

Short jokes

1. Brother wanted
Small boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....


2. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever!!!'


3. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'


4. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?'
Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!'


5. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush.'

Sami Vellu 之笑话二

Sami Vellu 希望提高自己的聲望，想要發行一款有自己肖像的郵票。

發行過了一個多月之後，Sami Vellu 想要問看看銷路如何。

Sami Vellu ：“銷售情形怎麼樣啊？

郵政總局局長：”還算不錯，只不過常常有人抱怨黏不牢！”

Sami Vellu ： “怎麼會呢？”

Sami Vellu 隨手拿了一張郵票，塗了一點口水在郵票背面，便試貼在信封上。

Sami Vellu ：“這樣不是黏得很緊嗎？”

郵政總局局長：“可是......大家....都把口水吐在正面啊......

Sami Vellu 之笑话一

一辆竞选车载着Sami Vellu 竞选团队到乡村去造势，不幸在山间小路上翻车了。

正在农田工作的老农夫看见这情景，就赶到出事地点，可是车上的人都死光了。

于是他挖了一个土坑，把几个政客都埋了。

过了几天，负责事故勘察的警察找到那个老农夫，问他那几个政客到哪里去了？老农夫说已经埋了。

警察赶紧追问：“他們都死了吗？”

老农夫回答說：“嗯... 我看到Sami Vellu 在我埋他的時候大叫说他还沒死。

警察說：“那你怎么也把他埋了？”

老农夫說：”你知道的嘛，这个Sami Vellu 从不说实话。”

冷笑话

有三个女人离开人间一起上了天堂。

天使看到她们，就给了她们每人一盏圣火，然后对她们说：“圣火绝对不能熄灭！如果熄灭了，将会有大惩罚！”

三个女人听了之后，就小心翼翼的接过圣火了。

过了一天，第一个女人不小心把圣火弄熄灭了。她很惊恐究竟会有什么大惩罚。不到一会儿，天使带了一个又矮又肥又丑的男人过来，把他们两个人关在同一个房间里。

其他两个女人看了，心里非常担心。她们加倍地小心，不让圣火熄灭。

过了一个星期，第二个女人又不小心把圣火弄熄灭了。天使带了一个更矮更肥更丑的男人过来，把他们两个人关在房间里。

剩下的那个女人，心里拼命地对自己说，千万不能弄熄圣火。

过了一个月，圣火还是好好的。

就在这个时候，天使带了一个很帅很有型的男人，向着那女人走过来。。。

然后天使对那男人说了一句话，请问它对男人说了什么？

日行一 gag 之十五

哪一个童话故事里的人物没有胸部？


p/s: ckc，谢谢你的问题。。

Joke

4 husbands were sitting at the waiting room in a hospital while waiting for their wives birth giving.

Then a nurse came out and told to the first daddy,
"congratulation, you got twins!"
"Ohh.. maybe its a coincident" said the daddy.
"I am working with the Petronas Twin Towers ".

Then another nurse came out and told to the second daddy,
"congratulation! you have triplets!"
"Wooow!, this is a coincident too" said the second daddy.
"I am working for 3M Corporation".

Another nurse came out and told the third daddy,
"Congratulation! Isteri you dapat kembar empat,"
"Alhamdulillah! Maybe this is also a coincident".
"I kerja di Four Season Hotel!"

While, the fourth daddy-to-be were in uncontrolled worry.

All the 3 daddies asked him,why are you seems so worry??"


He answered, "I am working with Seven-Eleven..."

知道人的一生为什么会那么辛苦吗？

有一天，神創造了一頭牛。
衪對牛說：「你要整天在田裡替農夫耕田，供應牛奶給人類飲用。你要工作直至日落，而你只能吃草。我給你50年的壽命。」
牛抗議：「我這麼辛苦，還只能吃草，我只要20年壽命，餘下的還給你。」
神答應了。

第二天，神創造了猴子。
神跟猴子說：「你要娛樂人類，令他們歡笑你要表演翻觔斗，而你只能吃香蕉。我給你20年的壽命。」
猴子抗議：「要引人發笑，表演雜技，還要翻觔斗，這麼辛苦，我活10年好了。」
神答應。

第三天，神創造了狗。
神對狗說：「你要站在門口吠。你吃主人吃剩的東西。我給你25年的壽命。」
狗抗議：「整天坐在門口吠，我要15年好了，餘下的還給你。」
神答應。

第四天，神創造了人。
神對人說：「你只需要睡覺，吃東西和玩耍，不用做任何事情，只需要盡情享受生命，我給你20年的壽命。」
人抗議：「這麼好的生活只有20年」
神沒說話。

人對神說「這樣吧。牛還了30年給你，猴子還了10年，狗也還了10年，這些都給我好了，那我就能活到70歲。」
神答應了。

這就是為甚麼我們的頭20年，只需吃飯、睡覺和玩耍。
之後的30年，我們像一條牛整天工作養家。
接著的10年，我們退休了，我們得像隻猴子表演雜耍來娛樂自己的孫兒。
最後的10年，整天留在家裡，像一條狗坐在門口旁邊看門……………

日行一 gag 之十四

尼小明，斯小明，湖小明，三个人边个屋企是酒厂?

笑话: 一位老板非要开除女秘书的原因

两个礼拜前是我三十岁的生日。
那天早上我的心情还不错。

我在想，吃早餐的时候，我老婆一定会高兴地的跟我说"亲爱的，生日快乐"，搞不好还会准备一个礼物送给我呢！ 结果她不但没有跟我说"生日快乐"，就连"早安"也没一句。 我想，算了。老婆就是这样，可能我的小孩会记得吧。 结果小孩来吃早餐的时候，也是什么都没说。

来到公司的时候，我觉得很沮丧。 当我要走进办公室的时候，我的秘书珍娜对我说："早安，老板，生日快乐！" 我顿时觉得好了一点，至少还有人记得。 工作到了中午，珍娜敲敲我的门说："你知道吗？今天天气不错，而且又是你的生日，不如我们到外面用餐吧，就我跟你。"
我说："这是我今天听到最好听的话，走吧！" 我们没有到我们平常用餐的地方，反而去了郊外一个比较私人的地方。 我们点了两杯马丁尼，好好地享受了一顿午餐。
在回去的路上，她说："今天真的是美好的一天。我想我们不一定要回去公司吧？"
我说："我想不用吧。"
她说："那不如去我家吧。"

到了她家之后，她说："老板，如果你不介意，我想到房间换件比较舒服的衣服。"
"当然！" 我兴奋地说。 于是她进了房间，几分钟之后，她拿了一个大生日蛋糕出来，接着走出来的是我太太和小孩，以及我的一群朋友，他们全部唱着"生日快乐"歌，

而我则坐在沙发上一丝不挂……

Joke - Phua Chu Kang

PCK explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius.

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable?

PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah!

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?

PCK : Of course woman lah! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?

Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped?

PCK : Ai-yah! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not? Ehhh? Don't pray pray ah!

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?

PCK : Oy!! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use your blainnn ........

Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?

PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?

Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private?

PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ........... ......... ...... you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit?? Stupid lah!!

Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.

PCK : Aiyah ...... , 'Best in Singapore , JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!' also ah!!!

Upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0

Dear Technical support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6 no longer run , crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0 , but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!

Regards,

Troubled user

REPLY

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0 . It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony - Child Support.

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\ APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance . Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0 , Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2 .However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT , under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

Joke - PM and Ministers

Abdullah was visiting Singapore and during a meeting with Brigadier Lee, he commented to him that he was so disappointed with his cabinet people for being stupid, and asked him how he managed to have such an efficient cabinet in Singapore .

PM Lee said, 'Simple, Abdullah, I choose able men for my cabinet.'

Abdullah asked, 'Yes, but how do you know that they are able?'

PM Lee replied : Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.'

Just then, DPM Tony Tan was walking by, PM Lee called out to him, 'Hey Tony, come over here.'

Tony walked briskly over and PM Lee asked, 'Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son ?'

Tony Tan immediately replied, 'Me ! Of course.'

PM Lee turned to Abdullah and said, 'See, all my ministers can answer such questions. Why don't you go back and try?'

Abdullah thanked PM Lee and left for Putra Jaya.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Home Minister Syed Hamid, and shot the question at him, 'Tell me, Hamid, who is your father's son?'

Syed Hamid was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer.
After a while, he recovered and said, 'Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow.'

Abdullah, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Syed Hamid will give him the answer the next day.

Meanwhile, Syed Hamid was panicking that the PM was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer.

The next morning, he thought a smart guy like Anwar must know the answer. So he phoned and when Anwar picked up the phone, Syed Hamid said: 'Hello, Anwar !! I want to ask you a question. If you do not willingly give me the answer, I shall have you detained under the ISA.'

Anwar then agreed reluctantly and Syed Hamid asked: "Tell me, who is your father's son?'

Anwar who was fuming at having been threathened over such a trivial question replied: 'Of course it's me, you stupid!' and he slammed the phone down.

Satisfied that he got the answer, Syed Hamid confidently walked into Abdullah's office and said: 'Boss, I've got the answer to your question.'

Abdullah, happy that his minister wasn't that dumb, said, 'So tell me quickly Hamid, who is your father's son?'

Syed Hamid confidently replied, 'It's ANWAR!'

Abdullah slapped his own forehead in disgust and said:

" No you stupid ! It's TONY TAN !'

电影: Dragonball Evolution

Director: James Wong

Actors:
Justin Chatwin - Goku
Chow Yun Fat - Master Roshi
Emmy Rossum - Bulma
James Marsters - Lord Piccolo
Jamie Chong - Chi Chi
Randall Duk Kim - Granpa Gohan


七龙珠电影版。。。

我相信这套漫画是我们童年时必看的一套漫画。
这也是我最喜欢的一套漫画。

当初听说这套漫画要拍成电影版，而且偶像周星驰还是这套电影的监制，自然对这套电影充满了期待。。直至最近看到了电影的海报，并没有想象中的熟悉感，对这电影已经没有了任何的期待。
秉着对漫画的支持，走进了电影院。

果然，彻底失望的从戏院里走了出来。。

想不明白，为什么这么一个普通的故事，要用七龙珠为故事背景？
整套电影，除了龙珠是和漫画有关联之外，其他的都和原著扯不上太大的关系。
而且，龙珠看起来就像一粒塑胶球一般，看起来完全没有龙珠的feel。。

既然整个电影和原著完全不一样，充其量只有一些人物的名字是一样，而且故事也不着重于寻找龙珠的过程，那为什么要用七龙珠的故事呢？简直是糟蹋了七龙珠。

无言。。。
文伟说，如果再拍续集，不可能再去看了。
同意。。

Beauty of Maths

1 x 8 + 1 = 9
12 x 8 + 2 = 98
123 x 8 + 3 = 987
1234 x 8 + 4 = 9876
12345 x 8 + 5 = 98765
123456 x 8 + 6 = 987654
1234567 x 8 + 7 = 9876543
12345678 x 8 + 8 = 98765432
123456789 x 8 + 9 = 987654321


1 x 9 + 2 = 11
12 x 9 + 3 = 111
123 x 9 + 4 = 1111
1234 x 9 + 5 = 11111
12345 x 9 + 6 = 111111
123456 x 9 + 7 = 1111111
1234567 x 9 + 8 = 11111111
12345678 x 9 + 9 = 111111111
123456789 x 9 +10 = 1111111111


9 x 9 + 7 = 88
98 x 9 + 6 = 888
987 x 9 + 5 = 8888
9876 x 9 + 4 = 88888
98765 x 9 + 3 = 888888
987654 x 9 + 2 = 8888888
9876543 x 9 + 1 = 88888888
98765432 x 9 + 0 = 888888888
987654321 x 9 - 1 = 8888888888
9876543210 x 9 - 2 = 88888888888

日行一 gag 之十三

将奥巴马的牙齿放入年糕之后会变成什么？

仙人掌

小學一年級的小朋友們想要在母親節時送點特別的东西給他們的媽媽。
最後大家決定送母親一盆自己種的植物。

但是因為他們沒什麼錢，又不想隨便找個醜醜的盆子和植物送給媽媽們，於是全班決定一起向鎮上的商人訂購三十幾個可愛小丑形狀的花盆，並在裡面種仙人掌，因為仙人掌據說很好養，而且通常可以活很久....

在老師的指導下仙人掌在小丑花盆內長得相當的好，但是母親節到時 ，小朋友們卻不被允許將自己所種好的仙人掌帶回家送給媽媽，而且被學校校長沒有理由的給強迫全部換成長春藤，並由學校統一送給媽媽們。

小朋友當然火大極了，那些仙人掌可是他們小心翼翼、用他們小小的手兒給照顧長大的，為什麼變成了長春藤？

還是母親節規定不能送仙人掌？

可他們永遠不會知道在母親節的前一個禮拜，學校老師將所有的仙人掌照了一張照片，並拿給校长看...............

龟兔赛跑

龟兔赛跑，兔子很快就跑到前面去了... ...
乌龟在后面慢慢的爬。
半途中，乌龟看到一只蜗牛爬得很慢很慢，就对他说：上来吧，我背你！
蜗牛听了，就爬上乌龟的背上了。
过了一会，乌龟又看到一只蚂蚁，就对他说：你也上来吧，我背你！
于是蚂蚁也上来了。
蜗牛看到蚂蚁爬上来了，就对他说：你抓紧点，这乌龟很快...

日行一 gag 之十二

当你全神贯注地望着张厕纸，会发生什么事？

精神病人妙语系列之三

有两个精神病人从病院里逃了出来。

两个人逃跑，爬上了一棵树，其中一个从树上跳了下来，在地上滚来滚去，然后抬起头对着树上的同伴说：喂！你怎么还不下来？

上面那个人回答他： 不...行...啊！我还没熟透...